Daisy Thoughts

2006-01-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

Confessions of an overweight SAHM

The reality of my weight has been in my face for sometime now, but I have chose to ignor this all my life. This past weekend, I have really thought about doing something about it. Today was my first "baby step" in going the right direction. I am very proud of myself.

I have always been a big girl. Even in high school. You know how everyone jokes that most of the cliques have their "fat" friend. Well that was me. No dates, dances, football games, cheerleading & my friends were fat too. I was the bubbly one. You know the one who tells the jokes and seems happy all the time.

Fastforward to my 20's I got with the wrong guy...blah blah long story short I had a baby and the weight never came off.

Now I am 34 and have been home with my kids since 2002 I have met the right guy (who BTW is my cheerleader and thinks I am beautiful no matter what), and somehow I have managed to gain 40lbs. But see this is on top of the heavy weight I was already carrying. This is really the time I need to focus on myself and getting healthy for my children. I want to see them graduate, get married and have children. I wont be here if I dont take this stand now.

I got the motivation and woke up this morning and said I am not eating all that junk today. I started drinking water and didnt snack all day. I went to the grocery store and bought things that were fat free and low in calorie. And right now as I sit here I am happy. I am happy that I made it this first day. I have a long road ahead of me, but I am setting small goals for myself. 10lbs this month, maybe 15 next. I want to eat to live not live to eat (Dr.Phil said that & I love it).

2006-01-02T12:41:00.000-05:00

One of my Favorite Songs

"Jesus Take The Wheel"
Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the wayI've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheelOh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

The link that I am posting has her video for this song. It is beautiful.

http://www.cmt.com/artists/az/underwood__carrie/artist.jhtml

2005-12-28T16:49:00.000-05:00

ChocoMadness

My son Adam is the most delicious looking baby in all of the world.

It amazes me what one simple little chocolate cookie can do to make him happy. Dont you just wish it was that easy for everyone?!

So sweet & innocent. Amazing I tell you, just utterly amazing!

2005-12-25T22:30:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

I thought I would share some holiday pictures with you of my family! I hope everyones Christmas was truly blessed.

Susan is loving her new Aeropostale Coat =)

Elias loves his Geo tracks and his front loader

Adam & His Pooh Car

2005-12-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

A Blubbering Mess

Being a mom of a teenager is the hardest job, I think! It may exceed those of a newborn. My daughter who is 14, has the attitude of Cruella Deville & the temper of an alligator. She is always in the middle of some drama with her friends, that just makes the world stop until it is solved, she has to have the latest fashions; this week it it preppy clothes from Aeropostale; last week it was rock.

She had a Christmas concert she had to go to and the whole time I am hearing all this complaining about pantyhose and heels & why do I have to tuck my shirt in....blah blah....I actually thought I would kill her. It is so frustrating to try to explain to her why she should look nice and not bummy or something that just stepped out of Snoop Dog's Camp. It is Christmas I said and finished with because I said so!

I get her there (in one piece, seriously thinking of still killing her at this point) and she walks in and leaves me. Go figure?!??! I decided to take my 3 year old with me (someone should have shot me for even thinking this). He was good and quiet for the most part, except when the choir would finish a song, he would say (loudly) are they done yet? is my sissy next?! I told him no not yet one more song, he was crushed & would say OH Man! At this point I am ready for Susan to play so I can get the heck out of there.

The violin orcastra finally is playing & I just sit and listen. I felt like the Grinch, you the know part where his heart grows at the end of the story. Elias is even quiet. It is the most beautiful music that I think she has played since she has started. I am sitting there with people on either side of me and I am crying. I mean tears a rolling down my face. I am so proud of my baby! But you know if she saw me or even knew I was like that she would have sucked her teeth and so awww Mom stop it my friends can see you! I would not even have gotten mad =)

Listen

2005-12-19T21:35:00.000-05:00

Christmas Pictures

Yesterday I realized what the people at the photo studios go through! WOW! You would never think trying to get a 8 month old baby to sit still and smile for 5 secs would be hard!!! Well I was wrong...LOL! It took me about 2 hours working with my son, to even get a couple of great pics. There was the sliding down, leaning over, trying to eat the hat, trying to reach over and eat the camera, slobber & not to mention the crying! But all in all it was hilarious! I had a wonderful time inspite of all the trouble. Now, the choice of which picture....I think I have narrowed it down to 2 pictures. One of these will be an 8x10 for grandma! Isn't he a cutie!?!?!?!

2005-12-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

It feels & looks a lot like Christmas!

I got into the Christmas spirit today! YAY! I am feeling a lot better. I think the snow gave me the little extra boost I needed! I love watching the snow fall. It the most peaceful thing I have ever watch (next to a baby sleeping). Each flake is different from the last, so delicate and fragil. It is amazing how such very tiny flakes can cover the ground in such a way. As I sit here and write I look out of the window and the snow is sitll steadly falling and now the flakes are big and fluffy. WOW! It is amazing.

I put my tree up ( not the big one this year). It is a little 4 ft tree, it looks nice. This is Adam's first Chirstmas and snow! I cant wait to show him both tomorrow and take some pictures. I will also be shopping a little this week! I may even listen to Christmas carols tomorrow....:)

2005-12-03T21:02:00.000-05:00

What a difference a day makes

I truly thought I would be blah all weekend, but I have to say today was a great day! I woke up early and decided I am headed to the store. Adam & I were the only ones up at 6:30Am so we headed out to Wal-Mart! I got a great parking spot, did all my shopping without bumping into anyone or even hearing boy you have your hands full! Came home, unloaded groceries and Elias came running Mommy I love you! What a way to make me smile! Those big blue eyes looking up at me. I played with the kids and just had a nice relaxing day. I didnt get the tree up yet...LOL but hey I am still smiling even though it is 9pm. I think I may finish my book, watch the Food Network and go to bed early. I am just so happy it was a nice day!

2005-12-02T16:41:00.000-05:00

Holiday Funk?

I have been wondering if this is a funk I am in or maybe depression. I have not really kept up with my blog lately or anything else in the house for that matter. Although I am putting up a good front for friends and family. There is so much coming at me at once these days. Christmas seems to be more of a chore lately than an exciting thing. I am looking for ways to get the things for the kids, it isnt that we dont have the money, I just cant spend as much because of our new house. Another thing that I am worried about. I have not put up the tree yet, should have been done the day after Thanksgiving. No decorations, nothing. I am not using the big tree because it is packed up. I am using a small 4 foot tree that is depressing in itself. Or maybe I am just PMSing.....who knows! **SIGH**

Maybe I will just get up and do it and I will feel better!

2005-11-27T09:36:00.000-05:00

Wonderful Family

Today I spent the day with my father, Granfather & my Aunts & Uncles from the Brittingham side. I had the most wonderful time. We were able to talk and share stories about Mom-Mom with out to many tears. We all were sad because she wasnt there in person but her spirit filled the room. The food was awesome & I believe we have some new Dulce De Leche fans :) This is what the holiday is supposed to be! Which makes me think of more things to be greatful for.

1) The love of family, with whom I would not make in this crazy world
2) My fathers advice, even after 34 years he still knows the exact words to say and be so very helpful
3) My grandfathers hugs, the love is ever flowing.
4) The huge dining room table, all of us around talking and being together
5) My grandmothers spirit, thanks for being there Mom-Mom

2005-11-25T19:49:00.000-05:00

More Things I am greatful for

1) Smarts....not crazy enough or brave enough to go out on Black Friday
2) My washing machine, I was doing laudry today and realized not everyone has this luxury!
3) My InLaws-they are working so hard to make it possible we have our new home by February
4) Dulce DeLeche-Thanks to my friend for telling us how to make this wonderfully adicting treat, not I need to know how to stop eating it!
5) I am thankful for the fallen leaves, it was my childrens playground this afternoon.

2005-11-24T23:05:00.000-05:00

Happy ThanksGiving

Today was a wonderful day. I was surrounded by friends who cared about me. I am so happy today! I am a truly blessed person!

1) I am thankful for Holiday smells, my mind is flooded with childhood memories
2) A beautiful day, my children enjoyed themselves outside after dinner and were so happy!
3) Uninteruppeted conversation
4) The sounds of laughter
5) Another wonderful holiday memory

2005-11-23T11:45:00.000-05:00

An Adult Move

For years I have always gone to my mothers for Thanksgving, this year I have decided not to. It was a hard decision to make, because it is my mother. But things this year just have not been the same & there has been a lot of tension and disagreements. An I just am tired. sometimes it is like beating a dead horse when it comes to my mother and my brother (the angle child-who is far from it). It seems to me being a good parent and responsible person is never rewarded, but drinking drugging and just plain being irresponsible gets you everything. I am not going to do it this year. I just cant have my children around it and I will not sit in an uncomfortable room for one more year. I am proud of my self for standing up for what I believe in.

2005-11-22T20:55:00.000-05:00

"Thanks"Giving

1) To be able to comfort my Grandfather in his sorrow. To be able to bring a small smiel to his face wiht my presence every Sunday.
2) My daughter is becoming so mature. I can leave her in the morning with the kids until Dale gets up. She suprises me a lot with how much she is capable of doing. I am blessed for that.
3) I am thankful for Dales job, even though it takes him aways from the family at odd times, he makes it so I dont have to work & he takes care of us very well.
4) I have a car that I can go to the store with & not have to wait until the weekend to go. Before we only had one car & I have no idea how we did it.
5) The ability to bit my tongue, there have been many times in the course of the weekend I wanted to let someone have it. But God has restrained me. Thanks!

Continued Thanks
1) The miricale of my children, so innocent. They remind me everyday that I am "the" person they depend on. I am there hero.
2) Early mornings with Adam, when he is eating a bottle at 5:30 and I am holding him and he is studying my face. He is so smart to be so young.
3) To have so many friends. I was never popular in school and never belonged to the "in" crowd. Now I am in the "in" crowd the SAHM IN CROWD
4) TV;I love that my kids like to watch discovery channel and Animal channel, at least they are not watching just crap that will rot their brain all the time.
5) My fiance's warm hands, he gives the best back rubs!

2005-11-21T12:30:00.000-05:00

Your Hands are full?

I am slightly confused about something. Today I went to the grocery store (Wal-Mart) to do ur bi-weekly shopping. When I go I get the big cart, you know the ones with the 2 extra blue seats attached to it. I use that so Elias (my son) can sit if he gets tired of walking & of course if I happen to have Jaden (my nephew) that day to. It seemed like everytime I would go down a different isle someone (most of the time it was Grandmother types) would say to me..."my my my, you certainly do have your hands full." At first I said not really, and I also have 2 others in school. Well I would say by the time the 4 forth person said to me I was irriated. I didnt even say anything! Not a smile or nothing!

I dont understand the purpose of that saying or even why I am constantly told that because I have 2 children in a grocery cart I have my hands full. I could see maybe if I had all 4, even so I am baffled by that statement. It seems to me the parents of these grandma types, back in their day had 10-14 children at at time....were their hands full? OF course not because it was the norm then, you needed help on the farm or around the house.

You know next time I hear that, because I am positive I will, I am going to ask what exactly do you mean?

2005-11-20T07:57:00.000-05:00

It gets easier....

It is Sunday and I am sitting here doing what I do every Sunday; catch up on email and prepare myself to go and see my Pop-Pop so I can clean for him. My thoughts drift to him every Sunday morning before I even get dressed. How is he today? Will he smile? Will he make a joke today? I am sure he is getting ready for church (a place my Mom-Mom adored) and maybe just maybe this morning he wont cry when I get there. I can only hope and pray that it gets easier in time. After 54 years what would I do if I lost Dale....I can even fathom the thought. What a strong person my Pop-Pop is, every Sunday I will go and be with him & take some of his wisdom & strongness back home with me. Happy Sunday Mom-Mom, I love you!

2005-11-18T16:37:00.000-05:00

It's getting close

My thoughts today have drfited towards the new house we are getting ready to move into. I was in a house today that was so nice & I tried to picture myself with something that nice. What it would feel like to have something that was mine.

I am getting excited to think about what type of paint I want. The type of carpet, what kind of furniture we will put in our living room & I even get to decorate a nursery! Silly things like a new blender are making me happy. Maybe even next year I can have a small garden. Some apple or lemon trees, flowers & bushes! A home.....warm cozy & mine!

2005-11-17T17:06:00.000-05:00

The "Right" Answer

I guess times of using pencil and paper to write down thoughts, feelings & opinions are long gone like the horse and buggy. This (the blog) is an interesting yet scary thing I am about to attempt to do. I am not so sure why this scares me so, maybe it is because I fear criticism from my peers (know and unknown) on what I may say or not say. I sound so highschoolish don't I. Which at this point in my life I cant imagine someone caring about my kids diapers and Dr's appt. Or how my fiance or daughter has gotten on my nerves so bad I could literally kill them both. But lets see how it goes!

Lately it seems that I am having to make complex Mom decision. My oldest has gone to my fiance (who she calls Dad) with "How do I know if I am straight or bisexual?" Ok now you have to imagine the expression on my face when this was brought to my attention. My God she is only 14, what happened to worrying about if she had the right shoes or clothes. Peer pressure for smoking cigarettes or a joint. Those things I am prepared for, but this...wow! This also coincides with the fact she had a friend stay over the other night and while this friend was over I discovered that this girlfriend has a girlfriend. So what now do I do. She can't have a boy stay over for obvious reasons & now I have to worry about her girl friends wanting to maybe do the same things. I have nothing against her wanting to be gay or even being curious, but isn't she a little to young for all of this and should I not let this other girl stay over because I am worried some kind of sexual activity will happen. For now I have decided, no on all counts.

My mother never told me about things like that when I was growing up. Well actually we never talked about sex in any capacity. Hence becoming pregnant at 19. I have a wonderful relationship withmy daughter; the lines of communication are always open. I just sit here and scratch my head.....What's next!